When I was up in Seattle last month I went to the outdoor sculpture garden with some dear family members, my sister in-law and brother in-law. The day was spectacular, the weather perfect and the company relaxing and comfortable. I could not help but cast my mind back to when I had first met my in laws many years ago. I was several years into recovery but still not yet comfortable with myself, nor in being in the presence of non-addicts. For the most part my friends had all been in the program up until that time. I knew how to get along with them! The humor is quick and sometimes raw, one jumps into the deep end of experiences and emotions, we just “get” each other. Whether we have known each other or not, closeness comes easily with people you meet in the program. And here I was getting to know FAMILY, but closeness evolving as a very different level and rate of intimacy.
When I first met them I was very uncomfortable. I was itchy all over from the very newness of it. As they live out of state every visit was several days long and I was psychically unprepared to be with “normies” or “earth people” for extended periods of time. It was awkward. I retreated to the back yard or a quiet room from time to time to get ahold of myself. These are charming people. They were always welcoming and kind. It was a clear case of “its not you, its me!” And over time I acclimated. Truly. I adjusted to their consideration, their lack of drama, their acceptance of me as I am.
Fast forward many years and here I am walking around Seattle with them, just me and them. My husband, her brother, was not there. I am with them on my own. And I am very comfortable. We are talking about everything and anything. We were together for half a day and the time flew. It was wonderful. Evidence that things change.
This picture was taken in the visitor center at the sculpture garden. This beautiful painting was done right on the wall. An artist and a team of assistants colored with sharpies and added silver and white paint to create these beautiful waves and designs. And in a year it will be obliterated; they will repaint the wall. That is amazing to me. The embodiment of change, planned change. Impermanence.
Yes – feelings change, relationships change, and, evidently, art changes. Nothing is permanent, even the beautiful and good, and particularly the uncomfortable and difficult.
Kyczy Hawk E-RYT200 is the author of “Yoga and the Twelve Step Path” and the creator of SOAR(tm) (Success Over Addiction and Relapse) a teacher certification training she holds with her good friend Kent Bond E-RYT500. Find out more about her and the training at www.yogarecovery.com