• How Bad Does It Have To Get?

     

    First off- it was a dream. My son might think about doing something like this but he wouldn’t.  At least I don’t think so. I often cast my son in the role of soothsayer in my dreams. I am not sure why. My daughter and other relations have other roles: my son the pointer of truths.

    I have had some problems with my right eye. It had some treatable glaucoma. It was first to have cataract surgery. The lens got cloudy and I had to have a small procedure to fix that. It is the one that gets driest, the one with the eyelid discomfort. When I am tense or troubled I cannot see to the right in my meditation visualizations. Not alarming, just interesting.

    Back to my dream. I dropped my sunglasses. I got a crack in the right lens, not all the way through the lens, but from the fame inwards about a centimeter. I was distraught. These were real sunglasses, good ones with polarized lenses; not the usual $9.99 ones I economize on. I must have looked like I was going to cry. My son appeared at my side and said: “I have a trick- let me help you.” Now he is super handy. He has all kinds of gifts and he really has made our lives easier by offering simple solutions to computer and household problems, so I handed them over, eagerly awaiting the magic that would fix the crack.

    He reached behind me to the brick wall in back of us, holding the glasses firmly first pressed and then rubbed the lens into the wall with strength and vigor- completely scratching the lens beyond belief. I was horrified, shocked and shouted: “What the …?”

    He handed them back, smiling, and said: “now they are bad enough for you to replace them.”

    I looked at him in anger that dissolved away knowing he was right. I would keep wearing the slightly broken glasses – for YEARS – rather than replacing them as I ought. He knew me and he saw me. He knew that I would go along with almost good enough until I absolutely couldn’t.

    I told my son about the dream and he laughed explosively. Had he been drinking his tea I am sure it would have been a nose fountain of a laugh. He took no offense from his role in the dream – in fact, he just said: “that is totally what you would do”. I would try to hold on to the almost good enough for far too long.

    This is true. He was right. The dream gave me a outside in look at what I do in life, It encouraged me to examine what is going on today that is kind of broken, but not much. It kind of works, but not fully. It is time to change – but I can keep going…REALLY. This brought me to the question that has percolated up several times throughout my life: how bad does it have to get?” How much weight do I gain? How much pain in my knee? How lonely do I need to feel? How busy to I need to be? How broken do I need my glasses to be before I fix them?

    So jump right in! Fix the small broken things before they have to become destroyed to justify being repaired. You can repair them now. Make the change you have been putting off. And enjoy being wholely you.

     

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