OK I get it – I am (thank God) a work in progress. I am in the process of becoming. I am aware that I have faults and challenges and attributes about myself that could be smoothed out. I am in recovery and daily vigilance about my “defenses” of character is a key to continued clean and sober time. This attention to errors is also be helpful in avoiding the development of other behaviors that can start as habits and turn into addictions. I realize that my personality lends itself to unhealthy soothing techniques and an inclination towards over-doing of all sorts. I do, however, get weary.
I have grown up in the era of “new and improved”. It is also a youth culture and I am growing old. I know the option is stultifying, but still; the envelope is sagging and the energy flags, the joints ache, and – well you get the picture. Nothing is as it was, and now even more so. Particularly this time of year we are cautioned to improve, increase our activity, decrease our intake, start new projects and complete the old. It is a time of year in which we determine that what we do, what we are is sadly lacking. We are encouraged to change any number of things and yet to reduce stress. I throw up my hands. I throw up.
So this is where yoga comes in. Each day I learn to accept myself as I am in that moment: my strength / my weakness, my flexibility / my tightness, my ability or inability to balance, to persevere, to be. I have been learning to see the workings of my mind with dispassion and without judgement, I have been practicing feeling my feelings without the need to DO something about them. I have been learning to BE rather than to dwell in the world of BECOMING. But I have to confess that this comes more easily on the [yoga] mat than off. Off the mat I become prey to the magazines, the shows, the tweets, the postings and all the media hype to fix or change just one thing.
I come back to that moment when I remind myself that self acceptance is a healthy foundation. I want to believe in myself, as I believe in you, and enjoy the reality that change will happen, with our without my urging and that maybe I am OK as I am.
Happy New Year.
Kyczy Hawk RYT E-500
Author of “Yoga and the Twelve Step Path” , “Life in Bite-Sized Morsels” and “From Burnout to Balance” she continues to submit articles to recovery and yoga oriented publications. She is currently completing her next book for Central Recovery Press:”Yogic Tools for Recovery: A Guide for Working the Twelve Steps”.
You can join Kyczy and a host of other people in recovery every Sunday morning at 8am PT (11 am ET) on In The Rooms for the Yoga Recovery meeting.