• The Grace of Choice

    Admitting we were powerless lead to a new form of empowerment – the grace of choice. Whether I acknowledge I am powerless over FB, substances including Halloween candy, or behaviors like gossiping or fishing for support once I SEE and accept this, I can make a choice.

    For the past 10 days or so I have been off of FB. I do go online to check out my “professional” pages (SOAR and Y12SR). While I do this I occasionally get sucked into a post by a friend; but I try not. I am sincerely moving away from losing great amounts of time scanning the pages for interesting posts.  I end up often making comparisons (I am always on the short end), feeling anxious or concerned, or commenting on the lives of others with a heart, a like or a wow. In this exceptional time of polarization I forget to breathe and lose my breath. Judgement and opinions are rehashed and revitalized with no exit or resolution. Samskara ignites past trauma of helplessness.

    Few exceptions, but I have been true to my “diet” but for those occasional nibbles. I intend to keep it up for another 10 days.

    I find I am softening my “opinionated” side, feeling more OK about what I do and where I am in life. I feel a little better about my potentially unpopular choices (going out to a movie rather than hand out candy). I do miss seeing what others are up to – but I also find that with the amount of input I often don’t remember anyway. It is a momentary diversion. I also have a lot of extra time and write personal notes and call more.

    It seems that I can give my “power” away in a lot of different ways – not just in drugs and alcohol. I can now choose living in my compassionate, not comparative, heart.

    Is it possible to imagine that power might be defined by presence of mind; that the more one is no longer controlled by compulsions, addictions, patterns, habits, the more power one has to act in service of wisdom and compassion? What if we said that power is internal freedom, that power is the capacity for choice?
    —Helen Tworkov, “Just Power”

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