I woke up with a mind full of memories, of things to do, of things, people, places, obligations and desires. I had a mind FULL; I was not mindful. So I did what I have learned to do, I asked the committee to wait and I sat. I was completely doubtful about my ability to meditate, but I did so anyway. There was an inkling of hope – but mostly I was DARING my meditation to quiet my mind.
Over and over in my meditation – I advised myself, as I might a dear friend; “You are sitting here to meditate, you might as well do THIS now.” So over and over, one plan or memory – one thought at a time, I invited the that stream of mental busy-ness to wait, to sit beside me. I invited MYSELF to let go and do THIS now. I have these few minutes sitting on my cushion where I am not thinking about the past, or doing laundry, or writing emails, or going to the store; remembering or planning. In this exact moment I am sitting, I am being, I am breathing. So do THIS now. Avoid the lure of the memories of yesterday – so exciting; full of activity and promise. Avoid the enticement of planning for tomorrow (so exciting; full of activity and promise) but THIS, this sitting, this breathing, this practice of letting go.
A miracle happened. Sometime during this short meditation, these moments of remembering and reminding, I got off the train of racing thoughts. I stepped away from the madness in my mind. My breath slowed, my shoulders dropped, my belly softened – all without direction. I was able to be.
This is my mantra, my intention, my mental reminder for each moment in the day: THIS IS WHAT I AM DOING NOW. If I can stay in the activity before (even now – writing and not moving into what comes next, then in that; without being in the following activities) each moment, being in the doing of that action or non-action-I can honor and bless each moment with my undivided attention.
THIS is what I am doing now. Meditation gave me back my presense of mind and my present.
Kyczy Hawk E-RYT200, RTY500 is the author of “Yoga and the Twelve Step Path” (2012) and “Life In Bite Sized Morsels” (2015) and “From Burnout to Balance” (coming 10/24/2015).
In The Rooms sponsors an online Yoga Recovery meeting Sunday 7am PST. Log in and join her there.
She leads two Y12SR; yoga of twelve step recovery classes twice weekly for the public at Willow Glen Yoga in San Jose. Kyczy is the creator of SOAR(tm) (Success Over Addiction and Relapse) instructing teachers about the unique needs of the recovery population. This certification training now available in an ONLINE study course. http://www.yogarecovery.com/SOAR__tm__Cert_all.html
Check out her ONLINE RECOVERY INFUSED YOGA CLASSES: http://yogarecovery.studiolivetv.com/MemberRegistrationYR.aspx