Ok -I admit it. I have feelings of vanity. I struggle with letting go of the image of my physical self. I say this not to get the response of “you have nothing to worry about”, “you look GREAT for your age” or any other response of re-assurance. I say this as an observation: something I noticed when I was invited to start a new project: recording recovery yoga classes for online, on demand availability.
I was worried about how I would look, how I would sound, the limitations of my practice and on and on. I also turned that into stage fright– what if I froze? What if I forget what I am doing? What if I am no good?
THEN I flip into humility. Actually not humility but useless UNDERsizing of my self. By that I mean that I feel too small, too insignificant, not as accomplished as those people I admire – like Nikki Myers and Rolf Gates and Tommy Rosen and B.K. Bose; the pantheon of amazing yoga personalities and service workers.
“Who am I to do this?” is a limiting belief, but I felt it. This kind of thinking, like vanity, is ALL ABOUT ME and totally useless when it comes to creating an offering for others.
SO WHAT HAPPENED? I made it! I found that sweet space between fearing MYSELF and FEELING TOO SMALL. I moved back to my desire to be of service. Neither false vanity nor perseverating about myself as being unworthy would fulfill my mission. In fact – both vanity and false humility bring the focus on ME rather than on the classes – which are all about YOU.
Yes, the classes are here for you- the person in recovery. To take time to care for yourself, to change the negative samskara (habits) of the mind to positive phrases and recovery oriented concepts. These are classes to support your recovery and, in turn, your recovery practices can support your yoga. Every class is designed to remind you that your are complete as you are, to love yourself as you are and to know that you have space and safety to grow in a healthy way.
So who was it who set me on this challenging path? Sharon Pingitore from Studio Live TV contacted me and assured me I was qualified, that I had something to offer and that you, the students, would enjoy the classes. SO I DID IT! I am now recording new classes every week (there are already a dozen waiting for you). Perhaps workshops and trainings will be next. Register by clicking below and order a class. At $5 each (among other purchase options) you can check them out.
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I got on my mat. I overcame my vanity, found humility in the right amount and I just GOT OVER IT. If you take a class – let me know what you think!