|Family Thanksgiving 2012|
A yummy summer treat!
My daughter’s children come to stay with us for a few days next week. I so look forward to this special time with them. The three boys will all be here for several overnights without their parents- the first time for the youngest who is five. I am have ideas about what we can do and see – looking for balance between companionship in the home, projects, and things to do outdoors and in other venues this area has to offer. So far, so good.
|Not the way I want to run my life|
Now to put the plan in place…
I have my list and look at my calendar so we can fit the puzzle pieces of activity into the schedule. Uh – oh. I teach, I have meetings with people, I have commitments. Hubby can pick them up, that will dovetail with the appointments I have that day. The next day, schedule trips and excursions around the classes on my agenda and then home, making arrangements for dinner and so on through the days they are here. I am now in the space of rushing (in my mind), by breath becomes short and I feel anxious. And my heart gets heavy.
|What are the strings that ind your heavy heart?|
My heart gets heavy
because the memories come flooding back to when I was a woman newly in recovery; single mom with kids, going to AA meetings, working with my sponsor, managing the activities of my kids and the duties of running a home. I was always scheduling stuff around other stuff – barely being present in one moment as I urgently prepared for the next. I remember rushing my kids from here to there seldom BEING with them, just as they were. As a yoga teacher and student, I practice being in the moment, rather than in the next. I am conscious of the importance of prana, the life force, that dissipates when the mind is in someplace other than the body. I don’t fancy going back to the time of planning to do while in the midst of doing. Particularly while the g-kids are here on vacation.
|Cost NOT Care|
DISCOUNT: means both reduction as well as disregard.
Ouch. While I love offering (and getting) a friends and family discount on goods and services, a reduction in price; I never want to be the recipient of disregard. Nor do I want to give this feeling. Perceived or actual- I never again want to be in a position to give kids the idea that they are pawns on a game board of obligation or that their needs are subservient to my own.
The past need not be prognosticator of the future.
Yes – as a single mom I needed to work, to be the logistics and supply manager of the home, and to devote myself to my sobriety. But the attitude of rush and move was desperate, unskilled and possibly dismissive of the thoughts, feelings and desires of the children. I was not yet skilled enough to BE in the moment, letting go of what will be next; in fact being willing to LET GO OF what could be next. In the practice of my recovery principles ( working the 6th and 7th Steps) and the practice of my yoga (brahmacharya, and aparigraha; excess and holding on) I can approach the complicated schedule with a calmer intention, keeping alternatives available and letting the children drive the bus on occasion.
|Watch my StepS|
Don’t hold on to the agenda with a death grip, let the moment carry the schedule. Teach my classes with a free heart, be with the kids with total attention, don’t pack in too many activities and let the moments BE. And let go of the past, with compassion for the woman I was and regard for the lessons it taught me.
Kyczy Hawk E-RYT200, RTY500 is the author of “Yoga and the Twelve Step Path”, a leader of Y12SR class
es, and the creator of SOAR(tm) (Success Over Addiction and Relapse) a teacher certification training that she holds with her good friend Kent Bond E-RYT500. Find out more about her, her classes and the training at www.yogarecovery.com