Learning how to receive

Over this holiday I received a gift of money. I was astounded, surprised and very grateful. This was un-budgeted, unexpected cash. Over the last several years my “wanting” has decreased. We live close to the bone, within our means and it suits me. I have no pressing need for any material goods. I am of an age where I have collected all I want and have all I need. My kitchen has pots and pans, my closet has clothes that fit, and I have ceased craving the next new design or color for my towels and sheets. I have it all! I am totally grateful and aware, deeply aware, that not all people can say even a fraction of that.
But this was a surprise and it opened up the door on wanting, the revisiting of craving. Was I going to toss this money into the “bill” maw and allow it to be part of the PGE, the water, the insatiable gas needs of my truck? It could certainly go there. It could provide some measure of security, some “prepaid” assurance against some unforeseen need like tires, or a house repair. But I didn’t want to do that with all of this bounty. I did feel like I needed to practice receiving. This was a gift to me, an opportunity to do or have for myself something that I wouldn’t permit myself otherwise. I don’t often see the gray, but this time I did. What if I used some for myself and some against a rainy day?
So I did. I registered for on online course on intention and self care. I am taking: Living on Purpose; Group Coaching on Deliberate Creation – with Rolf Gates. I have been thinking for a while that I would like some time for self development: development that has, at its end purpose, my own self care. I have a habit, an unfortunate focus of intent, of signing up to learn things SO I can teach. Take a sculpture class so I can better explain it to others, take a training so I can lead and so on. It is important that I be in service; but just now, while I face a lot of new and unknown things I need to, I want to, take care of myself. So this wonderful gift of surprise money allowed me to take advantage of this idea I had; taking care of myself, without having to purloin funds from the family fund.
First step in self care… learning how to receive. I guess that is the second part of the present.

Kyczy Hawk E-RYT200 is the author of “Yoga and the Twelve Step Path”, a leader of Y12SR classes, and the creator of SOAR(tm) (Success Over Addiction and Relapse) a teacher certification training she holds with her good friend Kent Bond E-RYT500. Find out more about her, her classes and the training at www.yogarecovery.com